Perhaps one day, it won’t feel necessary to write specifically about counselling for men when it comes to mental health.  It’s promising, I do see men in my counselling practice who are increasingly open about their thoughts and their personal mental health outside of the therapy room.

I have helped many men work through a whole range of issues over the years.  Think of counselling as a gym for the mind, somewhere to build resilience, let off emotional steam and strengthen how you handle life’s weights.

For now, the general theme is that men wait a long time before asking for help, some have come in crisis, others have come because their partners or wives have asked them to, but they all have one thing in common – they have had the courage to listen to someone, a friend, a loved one or themselves.

Do any of these sound familiar?

• You’ve been trying to “push on through” emotionally, but it’s getting harder and harder.
• You feel the strain of responsibility, as a dad, a partner, a provider, but don’t know where to put the stress.
• Work’s getting on top of you, and you’re secretly struggling to hold it all together.
• You’ve been through something tough, like a bereavement or redundancy, but haven’t really dealt with it.
• You bottle things up. It used to work, but lately it’s spilling over, maybe at home or at work.
• You’ve noticed physical signs of stress, like headaches, gut issues, or fatigue, but haven’t joined the dots emotionally.
• You don’t really talk to anyone about how you are feeling because you don’t want to seem weak or be making a fuss?

And you have been telling yourself

“I’m fine.”
“I can handle it.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“I haven’t got time for counselling.”

“I wouldn’t know what to say anyway”

Here’s the thing, just like going to the gym for your physical fitness, it is important to keep on top of your mental fitness.

You can book for a free, no obligation introductory call here

Why It Takes Courage for Men to Start Counselling

It’s not unusual for men to feel unsure where to begin, to feel wary about counselling and what to expect, so I hope to help put your mind at ease here.

Feeling wary about counselling

Historically, men simply haven’t been encouraged to talk about how they’re feeling.  You’ve likely grown up being told that “boys don’t cry” and to “man up”, to not show emotion.  As you’ve got older, the typical camaraderie and stereotype for men is to be strong, competitive and “always up for a laugh”.  It’s not surprising then is it, that so often men initially struggle to find the words to express themselves or simply feel a huge sense of vulnerability sitting opposite someone and starting to talk.

What to expect

Worried you won’t know what to say? You’re not alone. Many men (and women) feel unsure or hesitant at first. It’s completely normal. My role is to help you feel at ease and find the words, at a pace that feels right for you.

There’s no pressure to dive into deep emotions straight away. In fact, the first few sessions often focus on everyday things, what your week looks like, what you enjoy (and don’t), work, family, or whatever feels easiest to begin with. We start where you’re comfortable.

And here’s the thing, you are the expert on you. My job is to listen closely, gently notice patterns or contradictions, and help you understand how these might be shaping your thoughts, feelings or behaviours. Where it’s helpful, I’ll also share tools or techniques to support you with whatever life’s throwing at you.

Counselling isn’t about me giving you all the answers. In fact, most of the answers are already inside you, counselling creates the space to uncover them. That doesn’t mean I won’t challenge you or reflect things back, this is a collaborative process. We both show up, and we both do the work, together.  Read more about how counselling sessions work here.

Understanding Men’s Emotions and Mental Health

All humans have feelings, no matter what sex you are.  Emotions have a habit of eventually leaking out.  Stereotypically (again, sorry) these can be in the form of anger or numbing for men.

Anger is an emotion that is deemed acceptable in a masculine setting.  Anger has many forms – rage, irritability, frustration and it can turn inwards, leading to a harsh inner critical voice.

Numbing or suppression of emotions can lead to addictive habits or behaviours, including workaholism.  Long term suppression can lead to your self esteem suffering, which in turn can increase anxiety levels.  If left unresolved, this can sometimes lead to burnout or depression.

How Counselling Rewires the Brain: A Gym for the Mind

The neuroscience behind why counselling can be so effective is catching up with the practice itself.  Our brains, your brain, can rewire itself.  It’s called neuroplasticity.

You’ve heard the phrase “stuck in a rut”.  Well, learning to recognise and verbalise your feelings, allows you to develop the capacity to tolerate more difficult emotions.  This might mean that you can change your usual patterns of behaviour and opt for different routes.  It might mean that you can be less anxious about feeling those emotions in the future.  You can get out of that rut.

Realising that talking, dropping your mask and showing your vulnerability isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength, can help you make real changes from within, and in your life.

You deserve so much more than to suffer in silence.  Giving yourself permission to feel, express and make sense of what’s been going on, well, it changes something inside you.

A client’s experience

“From the moment I met Nicky, she made me feel completely at ease. Her compassionate and professional approach created a safe space where I felt comfortable opening up. As we delved into the challenges I wanted to address, Nicky tailored our sessions to my specific circumstances, offering practical and insightful strategies to manage stress and anxiety effectively.

Now, having concluded my time with Nicky, I feel a profound sense of relief and personal growth. I’m better equipped to handle stressful situations, more reflective in my daily life, and far more accepting of the events that shaped my childhood.

I cannot recommend Nicky highly enough. If you’re considering taking that first step to speak with someone, I wholeheartedly encourage you to do so – you won’t regret it.”

(33 year old male)

Perhaps asking for help could be the “strongest” thing you ever do, to build your emotional resilience.

If you’re ready to take that first step, or even if you are just curious, drop me a message, or book in for an introductory call.  I’m here to support you.