You’ve taken the big step to look for help, but what does that actually mean?  What does help actually mean to me?  If I was asked before I started therapy, I know I couldn’t have answered this (and that is ok, but it might not feel like it at the time).

Many people arrive at their first therapy session unsure of what to expect.  I work with clients face-to-face in Stamford and online across the UK, making therapy accessible wherever you are.

Therapy Isn’t About Being Fixed

You might come into therapy hoping for advice or expecting someone to fix something. That’s understandable, but therapy isn’t about being told what to do, it’s about discovering what’s going on underneath, and learning how to move forward in a way that feels right for you.  

I will support you every step of the way but what if I offered advice, and it was wrong?  Where might your trust in me (or any therapist) be if that were the case? 

I believe you already have the answers. My role is to support you in finding them.

Therapy Might Not Be What you Think

• You have never really experienced so much time devoted to you and what matters to you.  It’s a little unnerving to start with, and then you realise you quite like it.  It helps you to feel lighter.
• You find yourself censoring what you can and cannot say in the therapy room.  This is ok, but I hope that when the trust and confidence build, you will feel that you can say whatever you want, including if I annoy you or get something wrong.  After all, I am human too and it is important that these sessions are right for you.
• You might say “it’s working” without being able to explain how or why.
• You sometimes wonder if your therapist has magic powers that are unlocking something deep inside you (and this is both comforting and unnerving at the same time).
• You sometimes think therapy is amazing and works, and other times you believe it doesn’t work.  It can feel confusing like this at times.
• You learn to accept that something is changing, but it’s ok if you can’t describe it.

Sometimes therapy feels like it is doing nothing. Other times, the change is so subtle that you don’t realise it until you’re in a situation where you behave or feel differently.

Thoughts and Feelings That Often Come Up in Therapy

• “I don’t feel like I’m making progress.”
• “I’m not sure what I’m allowed to say.”
• “Is therapy even working?”
• “Everyone should do therapy—it’s amazing.”
• “Why is it so important to understand what I feel?”

It’s normal to feel conflicted. Therapy isn’t always clear cut. That doesn’t mean it’s not working.

Things I Wish I’d Known Before I Started Therapy and Want You to Know

Your therapist isn’t your parent, teacher or boss

But you might find yourself treating them that way. We all bring our relationship patterns into the therapy room. I will help you notice this and explore what it means.  We are equal, and this is your time and space to be who you want to be, not who you think you should be.

It’s hard to say how you feel—and that’s OK

You might not be able to answer the question, “How does that make you feel?”.  I couldn’t!  You may never have been given the space or tools to think about your emotions before. I can help you build that emotional language.  Being able to call out what we are feeling in the moment is empowering.

You can say when I get it wrong

You don’t have to keep quiet if something doesn’t feel right. I welcome feedback and believe that being open about when things go off track is an important part of the process.  I won’t be hurt or embarrassed.  I want to always do my best, I will be grateful for what you say, and it will probably help your therapy too.

Therapy can be difficult

It’s hard because you’re facing things you might have avoided for a long time. It’s hard because you might not know how long it will take. But if it feels hard, that probably means you are really working for yourself.

Therapy can change your life

Sometimes that change feels amazing. Sometimes it feels disruptive or uncomfortable. That’s because you’re learning to live more honestly with yourself and with others.

Therapy doesn’t have to last forever

You don’t need to be in therapy for years to benefit from it. Many people use therapy, take the knowledge, the tools and tips, the changes in themselves they notice, and continue the work themselves.

Don’t Hold Back

One of the most important things I’ve learned, first as a client, is that you don’t have to be a “good” client.

Challenge me. Say what you’re really thinking. Therapy is one of the few places where you don’t have to perform, please or pretend.  I want you to feel like you can say anything that you want.

Therapy can feel one way, but it’s not. As a client you can and should influence what you talk about.  I will do my best to encourage you to do this.  This is your time, for you.  I will support you and learn with you.  I don’t have the answers, you do.

What You Might Discover in Therapy

• That your voice matters
• That not every question has a neat answer
• That relationships can be stronger than you expect, even when there’s conflict
• That therapy works best when it’s shaped by you, not just led by me.  I will encourage all our sessions to be led by you (but it’s ok to ask for me to lead sometimes too).
• You learn how to talk about your feelings; it can become instinctive.  You might not be able to explain how you got to this point, but that’s ok.
• That there is a lot more going on under the surface, and that learning to understand some of this, learning to accept we cannot understand it all too,

This is your space. Your time. Your pace.

I’m here to walk alongside you and support you in discovering what you need.

Read more in my blog What is it like, coming to a first counselling session?

Therapy in Stamford or Online

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck or just want a space to talk through what’s going on, I offer therapy in Stamford and online across the UK.  Find out more about me and about counselling.  Click below to book a free introductory call.