What is it like, coming to a first counselling session?

Are you thinking about trying out counselling but have no idea what it will actually be like?

I remember that feeling too.  Not knowing what to expect, or what I was supposed to do when I got there and also worried about what I would talk about.  It can be a real mix of emotions: nervousness, fear, hopeful, hesitant or unsure.

I remember feeling slightly cynical too, “don’t bring it all back to my parents”.  I was nervous and I was defensive.  It certainly set my mind into a bit of a spiral, does that sound familiar?

Thankfully, it wasn’t like that for me, and I’ll explain how I work, and yes, it is based on the experience I had too.

So what happens?

In my first ever session, my counsellor came and collected me from the reception area at the time we’d arranged, just like she said she would.  With a smile, she introduced herself and we went up to her room.  She was very warm, kind and understanding and put me at ease very quickly.  

I always aim to do the same for all my clients too, whether we meet online or in person.  I also always send out detailed instructions on how to find my room, as well as the nearest car parking to the building, and which doorbell to ring!  I try to take away as many questions and reasons you might feel nervous as I can think of.  

I’ll come down to meet you, and we’ll head up together to my room.  The first session is about getting to know you a little and about how we would like to work together.  I’ll refer to the conversation that we had in our introductory call, and run through any questions that you have on the paperwork sent through to you.  We can also complete this together if you prefer.  This is completed for both our safety and to understand what you would like to get from therapy.

Let’s talk, at your pace

After this, your session will feel more like the rest of the therapy if you wish to have further sessions.  I’ll ask you a few questions for you to get started like: what brings you here?  I will do everything to encourage and support you to explain why you’re here, what you would like from it, and what’s going on for you right now.  

There is no rush in counselling though.  You are in control of what you share and when you share it.  There will be no pressure to dive into every detail of your life immediately.  You may find it easier to discuss why you’re here and what you want.  You may find it easier to talk about your background.  There is no right or wrong.

You will know that I’ve really been listening, as I will make this clear in my responses to you.  I will show you that I have a growing understanding of what’s going on for you.  I may introduce ideas on how we could work together and since therapy is a collaboration, we need to agree on how is the best way to work together.  I will always encourage you to speak out so we can tailor sessions to suit your needs.  At the end of the day, I am offering a time and space for you where you won’t be judged or criticised.

At the end of the session

By the end of your first session, we will have created the basis for your next steps, whether you want to come back and how soon, and hopefully you might have realised that taking time for yourself is very beneficial.  It’s okay if you don’t want to come again too, and if I can help you in any way to find alternative support then I will do so.  

As your session closes, I will make sure that you are okay, and by that I mean, okay to leave the room and head back out to carry on with your day.  You may feel lighter, or simply glad you’ve taken a first step.  It’s also normal to feel emotionally drained or a little unsettled, so  I do recommend that you allow yourself a little time after every session, just to let it all settle.  Life is much faster paced outside the counselling room, and it is a good idea just to give yourself a moment or so, to catch yourself, even to reflect on what you’ve brought up.  This could mean going for a walk for you, or popping to a cafe for a cuppa.  

I hope this gives you a better idea of what to expect and it helps take away some of those initial nerves.